recent completions in the past week

"one interpretation of the birth of American politics" paper collage

"the captain of my ship" paper collage

"Valentine's day on the tarmac" acrylic/mixed media

drama leads and artwork follows

a bit of dissolution followed after the last entry...
waking up, believing i had been finally dissolved into the past and i no longer existed as an individual.
the feeling was very strong but it really didn't last more than a couple days since i am with a good friend and i was honest about it.
she empathized and called it for what it was...an old framework in which i couldn't possible exist for various reasons which i need not mention here.

my artwork? so after forgetting what separates me from everything else i went on a bike ride, bought some white paint and some glue and starting collaging some bases for some small canvases

then i spent a solid day or two really busting out and moving along some paper collages, as well as working on my autobiography collage book...which is an interesting and challenging project and so far i am enjoying it.


collage is where i am at cause these small pieces are compact and will be easy to transport back to the states...topics covered are essentially typical; jabs at scientists, representation of the creature in my heart, the conflict between birds and planes, investigation of political hierarchies created by men, and critiques of american culture

appropriate times, spooky signs

whether you like it or not, things that want to be seen by you come to you.

they do.

they come on a plane or maybe they summon you by plane to a cul de sac across the ocean and then they swirl around you in different pieces and parts, til you put them together and they make it very clear that they are not going away and further more they are sick of being marginalized.

and when they do, you should just be thankful that your older sister is by your side.

but one thing i don't understand is why does my mother dislike me so much, why is she recently so adverse to me?

i guess someone has to be the fall guy...and besides something like that is not worth understanding, it just distracts... sort of like how the crazy naked people were able to beat the roman army for that one fight up north: a distraction from something bigger

perhaps i can properly pronounce my name now

or anyway as those in the old country would say it.
so i am spending a few months in dublin. i have been here almost two weeks so far.
it is working out for me.
here with some good people.
my aims and goals are vague but existent. think about things, do some art, ride a bike, read, drink a fair amount of tea,watch the world cup and talk about things large and small, deep and superficial, slapstick and serious with one of my core people...a great female physicist friend.
so far, i have met these goals and more.
this weekend, went with a mixed group of physicists and others on a walk through the wicklow mountains. it was beautiful and the wind blew through my mind for a bit of it... which was something that has been needing to be done for about half a decade.

time sort of flies and i am sort of in a haze. one of those that is giddy and fun. a young summer haze where things are really ok and you are with a people that make you lean back and smile and sometimes slap your knee or clap your hands in delight. plus i have new things to ask questions about and many practical unknowns to conquer. the weather comes in and out and resonates with how i perceive life these days...i have been neither too hot or too cold since i have arrived. the night comes later than i am accustomed to and the day earlier. my sleep is decent...one of the first nights here, i had a lucid dream where i was creating and summoning all types of things but was most focused and remember clearly this sheet metal component with wheels which kept on sliding past me, a slightly new shape each time. it was beautiful and bright.
when i take some pictures of my art scene i will post them, for now some seals i saw out in the ocean

cleaning out the bags

of trash that i have collected over the past few months.
out of it came 4 new base collages for to be used for paintings.

smallest one is refuse from a recent trip to new orleans...next biggest halloween, then one which contains work notes, reciepts and financial material and the other is the rest.
always therapeutic.
there is something about the fall that is nice to me. nice, nice, nice.
nice to spend a day in my studio.

too emotional and then there is the holidays...

god damn it.
started reading this self-help book with an aim to soften some of the edges in my family relationships and jesus, unsurprisingly the pot is being stirred up inside...
so what does that mean?
i think we can all be looking forward to some more f-ed up paintings about the inner workings of my family dysfunction this holiday season...and you thought...and maybe i hoped it was all out and i couldn't paint another.
otherwise i am busy working on part-time job and halloween stuff...maybe next week my dance card will be a little lighter and i can start putting images and words to the tightness lingering in my chest.

last night i dreamt i was lead astray and couldn't find a vegetarian sandwich anywhere

currently listening to a mix that i made my friend to commemorate his surgery in which he donated a kidney to a coworker.
how does one make a mix like that? what sort of tone? well it turned out to be a separation mix, a break up mix between him and the kidney...with a little bit of realization, reflection, then mourning and then a recuperation (moving on) period.
back to me...i am listening to it myself now almost a year later and it is hitting my mood very well.
go figure.
one can only muse at the complexity of the human spirit when coupled with the intersection and passing of events and time.
few sips of beer and some bites of orzo later, and i am not gonna lie or avoid the issue any longer, i am gonna speak directly.
i haven't written in this, i have not openly discussed my artistic experience since june. i know it. i have been busy and down, not deep down...cause deep down would have lead me here on the way to deep down. (fyi blogging is a few steps up from deep down for me, for those of you who like plain english).
but down enough and sort of veering sideways. art was happening, processing was happening but mostly it was teaching, paying the bills, putting in the time...giving the youth of today access to me and my wealth of physical cynicism.
for a month of it i was on crutches...down...literally, laid up... drinking beer, taking painkillers, getting stoned and watching a shitload of southpark.
not complaining about those days...except i am mostly a person who can't sit still wasting time for very long...hence taking up the wonderful suggestion of a friend to get fucked up to pass the time. southpark was a wonderful topper.
ok...boring.
so i have been getting very much into collage and as such my collages have become more elaborate and perhaps refined...more like my paintings and less like my furniture. i am very happy with this turn of events.

here is an example of one of them that i finished this one about a month ago...
it's call "not all men like the taste of blood"
it is about alot of things. none of which i will write about.

here is an one example of where i have been lately in the form of a recent greeting card i made
that's right i am in love bitches!!!

and last here is one of my more recent paintings, completed in the past month. it is a self-portrait...oh wait did i not mention above that i got snake extensions...

it's called "better put on your safety goggles"

alas: so i participated in fall open studios last weekend. that was a marker for sure, something i have been reaching for to heave myself forward.
it is a relief that it is over. it went well...i was less invested than last year but still a decent amount cause god damn it i am me. it calmed me down and
mostly made me realize how i need to think of myself and this career long term.
especially since i have opted to support myself with a non-art job...which was chosen i) to maximize my usefulness in the world ii) utilize my preexisting skills and iii)to preserve the integrity and pure intentions of my art and myself in that realm...
cause that is the most important thing in my world; the creative individual within me.
so this weekend i am going to big sur with the man i love....perfect for my creative soul.