Friday, January 30, 2009

tequilla and painting has it ever failed us before?

i would say...nope.
hmmmmmm. so haven't been as entirely fully focused on art and painting lately.
but today. that is what i ended up doing.
henry inspired/instigated it. he brought a painting he is working on to my studio and we painted in tandem...old school style circa late summer 2k6.
sipping tequilla falling in and out of conversation and our paintings.
finished a canvas that i have been struggling with for almost a year.
called "dinner"now he is gone, i am listening to music and about to normalize a collage i have been working on the past 2 weeks...the leftover big piece of wood from a while back.
feels good to be out of the world for a bit today...i needed it...that is what you call a break. i needed a nice little break.
ah, so back to painting. this weekend i will not have time for it.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

on the eve of mlk day

well it is sunday night and i painted the night away in my studio.
who needs it when you have pita chips and a strong desire to not go back to your apartment. not the healthiest behavior but you have to know when you have bigger fish to fry and then...well loosen the reigns. minimal intake, medium outtake.
alone time was what i needed with my art.
the past week has been focused otherwise...across the bay, on practical matters...transportation, living situation, expressing myself to people in a traditional and boring manner. i only say boring cause i am crap at finding meaning and grounding in all of it and i am bored with kidding myself and trying to acclimate.
i go in and out of faking it.
best times this week were those spent alone mostly.
so onward and upward, the paintings; well i finished the big one...
title "finally! a painting big enough to fit all my family's bullshit"
no surprise what that one is about...repeating the same old tactics leads to tradition and meaningless bullshit. nothing i want to participate in anymore.
and that is just it. last weekend when i did the bulk of it, i cried a bunch while working on it, painful tight nothing of the sort...left that behind.

then did this one which was a repaint on one i had been working on since up at fox hollow. the images etc came out pretty easily and quickly tonight, it is a response to a new relationship i am starting
...title "before the big bang"

guess i am starting to get sleepy. tomorrow physics and me.

Friday, January 9, 2009

time to let it off

the big painting is coming along. it is bigger than i am used to...perhaps it is my upper limit in easily navigable size with the constraints of my size, strength and studio size.
all the same i need to be painting today. my whole body and mind are telling me that...not to mention the other components; soul, heart and otherwise...tugging on my sleeve saying "paint dude, we need an outlet...let us let it go, we are tired of this subject matter"...
this subject matter they talk of whirling around in my heart, it is slowing down, clumping up, accumulating mass turning into more not mucus!
last night my mind and chest were alight with a bit of anger...over and over and over the people who have played with me, manipulated, lied to me, compromised the integrity and beauty of humanity because they are weak...fuck them!!! fuck them...all the same i will not play their game, i never have, never will...i can't so then i leave...take care of myself...but when are their dues paid?
fuck the illusion of dues.
their dues are inconsequential, they have nothing to do with me and my future...still since i won't play the game and they will not change, i am anxious they will step back into my life and disrespect me...all i can do is not engage, walk away...passivity.
my family is a let down.
and so since it is boring and dull to keep on writing about it, i will try and paint it or whatever...
i feel.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

balls are rolling

back to sf. pretty drive back down.
but unfortunately my head and chest cold made the trip as well.
all the same back in the studio and feeling good about it.
yesterday was cleaning time...organizing, preparing stuff to bring over to my storage unit.
taking out the trash for the new year.
today came in ready to paint but also felt like collaging my trash...
nothing to collage on at first, headed down to the dumpster and aha!
the trash elves must have dropped by last night!
got a huge piece of plywood, debatably too big for me to carry...but i got it up here
and took my saw to it, cut it in two pieces.and then collaged all the trash in my personal trash bag. so my trash bag is as empty as empty can be. fresh start 2k9.

it feels so good to have no lingering trash from the year past to impinge on future paintings.
it will be the biggest painting on trash i have done yet.
finished a painting i had been working on since pre-xmas...called "a walk in the mission"

big changes on the horizon:
i have a part time lecturing job now which starts in a few weeks.
so i will have to shift gears a little bit but i am cool with that. money is necessary.
at first i was reluctant to come back to the world from fox hollow, it is so easy for me to be away from society, but i am ok now. this is part of my gig.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

fox hollow never treats me wrong

so in came 2009.
david and i represented at a couple eugene dance parties with whiskey, scotch and moves. it made sense and worked easily for us.
slept in slightly this morning and then we got the place together for the burn.
i finished the painting "japhet in november and december of 2008" before people arrived which felt nice.

and david got the pile going.
then people arrived and we burnt things. the award goes to heidi for burning her journals...30 of them!!!
we all helped her and it was inspirational.

i burnt a few things, abstract ones, written on paper...fear of my strength, the past, a dream that has been holding me back.
then after the fire? more fire.
took a sauna to clear out my head and chest...turns out 2008 is putting up a decent fight to remain in my being, i.e a shitload of mucus.
and then yet more fire...throwing balloons and citrus rinds into the stove in the living room.
guests left. david and i reflected. again with the sauna for round II of operation "clear this shit out".
hydrate, hydrate, sweat, sweat..blow the nose.
david did some nude posing out by the burn pile and i took photos.
further relfection...
gave david a tarot reading by the fire...
now drinking water, blowing my nose, coughing and reveling in the easiness of warmth and solitude.
2008 the year of massive amounts of mucus.
2009 the year of warmth and flow.
this has been a good trip.