Monday, October 26, 2009

too emotional and then there is the holidays...

god damn it.
started reading this self-help book with an aim to soften some of the edges in my family relationships and jesus, unsurprisingly the pot is being stirred up inside...
so what does that mean?
i think we can all be looking forward to some more f-ed up paintings about the inner workings of my family dysfunction this holiday season...and you thought...and maybe i hoped it was all out and i couldn't paint another.
otherwise i am busy working on part-time job and halloween stuff...maybe next week my dance card will be a little lighter and i can start putting images and words to the tightness lingering in my chest.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

last night i dreamt i was lead astray and couldn't find a vegetarian sandwich anywhere

currently listening to a mix that i made my friend to commemorate his surgery in which he donated a kidney to a coworker.
how does one make a mix like that? what sort of tone? well it turned out to be a separation mix, a break up mix between him and the kidney...with a little bit of realization, reflection, then mourning and then a recuperation (moving on) period.
back to me...i am listening to it myself now almost a year later and it is hitting my mood very well.
go figure.
one can only muse at the complexity of the human spirit when coupled with the intersection and passing of events and time.
few sips of beer and some bites of orzo later, and i am not gonna lie or avoid the issue any longer, i am gonna speak directly.
i haven't written in this, i have not openly discussed my artistic experience since june. i know it. i have been busy and down, not deep down...cause deep down would have lead me here on the way to deep down. (fyi blogging is a few steps up from deep down for me, for those of you who like plain english).
but down enough and sort of veering sideways. art was happening, processing was happening but mostly it was teaching, paying the bills, putting in the the youth of today access to me and my wealth of physical cynicism.
for a month of it i was on crutches...down...literally, laid up... drinking beer, taking painkillers, getting stoned and watching a shitload of southpark.
not complaining about those days...except i am mostly a person who can't sit still wasting time for very long...hence taking up the wonderful suggestion of a friend to get fucked up to pass the time. southpark was a wonderful topper.
so i have been getting very much into collage and as such my collages have become more elaborate and perhaps refined...more like my paintings and less like my furniture. i am very happy with this turn of events.

here is an example of one of them that i finished this one about a month ago...
it's call "not all men like the taste of blood"
it is about alot of things. none of which i will write about.

here is an one example of where i have been lately in the form of a recent greeting card i made
that's right i am in love bitches!!!

and last here is one of my more recent paintings, completed in the past month. it is a self-portrait...oh wait did i not mention above that i got snake extensions...

it's called "better put on your safety goggles"

alas: so i participated in fall open studios last weekend. that was a marker for sure, something i have been reaching for to heave myself forward.
it is a relief that it is over. it went well...i was less invested than last year but still a decent amount cause god damn it i am me. it calmed me down and
mostly made me realize how i need to think of myself and this career long term.
especially since i have opted to support myself with a non-art job...which was chosen i) to maximize my usefulness in the world ii) utilize my preexisting skills and iii)to preserve the integrity and pure intentions of my art and myself in that realm...
cause that is the most important thing in my world; the creative individual within me.
so this weekend i am going to big sur with the man i love....perfect for my creative soul.