the big painting is coming along. it is bigger than i am used to...perhaps it is my upper limit in easily navigable size with the constraints of my size, strength and studio size.
all the same i need to be painting today. my whole body and mind are telling me that...not to mention the other components; soul, heart and otherwise...tugging on my sleeve saying "paint dude, we need an outlet...let us let it go, we are tired of this subject matter"...
this subject matter they talk of whirling around in my heart, it is slowing down, clumping up, accumulating mass turning into more mucus...no not mucus!
last night my mind and chest were alight with a bit of anger...over and over and over the people who have played with me, manipulated, lied to me, compromised the integrity and beauty of humanity because they are weak...fuck them!!! fuck them...all the same i will not play their game, i never have, never will...i can't so then i leave...take care of myself...but when are their dues paid?
fuck the illusion of dues.
their dues are inconsequential, they have nothing to do with me and my future...still since i won't play the game and they will not change, i am anxious they will step back into my life and disrespect me...all i can do is not engage, walk away...passivity.
my family is a let down.
and so since it is boring and dull to keep on writing about it, i will try and paint it or whatever...