add them up and i hope you get 19

last night i had a nightmare within a nightmare within a nightmare...luckily the crazy overweight guy in a red and black striped shirt who startled me by knocking on the door standing outside the building i was in and holding random appliances was doing it in such a way as to frighten me sooo much that i was able to scream my way awake into the multiple stages of the dream until i finally woke myself up into reality. the strangest part was that the transitions out of each individual dream were all so quick that the finger poking me from my childhood friend to wake me up from the dream in level two down was still present on my side when i was finally awake which gave me another scare. i never understand how strongly i can feel the things i conjure in my mind...that poking feeling must have come from a real experience.

so yeah, anyway, i would say all these internal days working on art the past week and the massive amounts of sleep i have been getting due to the allergy stupor i have been in are adding up.

so today i took a break and got on my bike and rode up to Howth. it felt nice to sweat for real reasons. i felt grounded and good after.

tomorrow i will pick up the art again and try and close out the autobiographical book of which i have 3 pages left of the 19.

i learned to knit and crochet

knitting has my vote, crocheting sort of pissed me off.

knitting is good social/chatting work and i have two projects currently in the works and two i envision in the near future. i never thought i could be a knitter, it just goes to show.

these past few days i have been plugging along with my autobiographical collage book, i have about 7 more pages left of 19. it has been a challenge but i think i understand it, or what i am doing with it. guess i will try and post some of it when it is done for curious eyes. today i finished two paintings and did a trash collage base for another painting.
the first one is titled "anyone can be a mother"

and the second one is titled "the love phoenix"

recent completions in the past week

"one interpretation of the birth of American politics" paper collage

"the captain of my ship" paper collage

"Valentine's day on the tarmac" acrylic/mixed media

drama leads and artwork follows

a bit of dissolution followed after the last entry...
waking up, believing i had been finally dissolved into the past and i no longer existed as an individual.
the feeling was very strong but it really didn't last more than a couple days since i am with a good friend and i was honest about it.
she empathized and called it for what it was...an old framework in which i couldn't possible exist for various reasons which i need not mention here.

my artwork? so after forgetting what separates me from everything else i went on a bike ride, bought some white paint and some glue and starting collaging some bases for some small canvases

then i spent a solid day or two really busting out and moving along some paper collages, as well as working on my autobiography collage book...which is an interesting and challenging project and so far i am enjoying it.


collage is where i am at cause these small pieces are compact and will be easy to transport back to the states...topics covered are essentially typical; jabs at scientists, representation of the creature in my heart, the conflict between birds and planes, investigation of political hierarchies created by men, and critiques of american culture

appropriate times, spooky signs

whether you like it or not, things that want to be seen by you come to you.

they do.

they come on a plane or maybe they summon you by plane to a cul de sac across the ocean and then they swirl around you in different pieces and parts, til you put them together and they make it very clear that they are not going away and further more they are sick of being marginalized.

and when they do, you should just be thankful that your older sister is by your side.

but one thing i don't understand is why does my mother dislike me so much, why is she recently so adverse to me?

i guess someone has to be the fall guy...and besides something like that is not worth understanding, it just distracts... sort of like how the crazy naked people were able to beat the roman army for that one fight up north: a distraction from something bigger

perhaps i can properly pronounce my name now

or anyway as those in the old country would say it.
so i am spending a few months in dublin. i have been here almost two weeks so far.
it is working out for me.
here with some good people.
my aims and goals are vague but existent. think about things, do some art, ride a bike, read, drink a fair amount of tea,watch the world cup and talk about things large and small, deep and superficial, slapstick and serious with one of my core people...a great female physicist friend.
so far, i have met these goals and more.
this weekend, went with a mixed group of physicists and others on a walk through the wicklow mountains. it was beautiful and the wind blew through my mind for a bit of it... which was something that has been needing to be done for about half a decade.

time sort of flies and i am sort of in a haze. one of those that is giddy and fun. a young summer haze where things are really ok and you are with a people that make you lean back and smile and sometimes slap your knee or clap your hands in delight. plus i have new things to ask questions about and many practical unknowns to conquer. the weather comes in and out and resonates with how i perceive life these days...i have been neither too hot or too cold since i have arrived. the night comes later than i am accustomed to and the day earlier. my sleep is decent...one of the first nights here, i had a lucid dream where i was creating and summoning all types of things but was most focused and remember clearly this sheet metal component with wheels which kept on sliding past me, a slightly new shape each time. it was beautiful and bright.
when i take some pictures of my art scene i will post them, for now some seals i saw out in the ocean

cleaning out the bags

of trash that i have collected over the past few months.
out of it came 4 new base collages for to be used for paintings.

smallest one is refuse from a recent trip to new orleans...next biggest halloween, then one which contains work notes, reciepts and financial material and the other is the rest.
always therapeutic.
there is something about the fall that is nice to me. nice, nice, nice.
nice to spend a day in my studio.